I empower: You can create more energy and success in your life than you can think of!
This is one of the practical life skills which you can easily apply to improve the quality of your relations.
Observe the result of your compliments!
Look carefully to the face of the one you give a compliment. (calibrate) You see nodding, little smile, hand for the mouth (as a hesitation to accept)? Adapt you compliment to every person you are addressing.
Create a smile by giving a compliment!
The great thing about NLP is that it helps you to do new things that can open others mind and at the same time give you a good feeling.
A compliment is a small effort to make two people
smiling: you and the other!
Giving a compliment is not something that most people naturally do a lot. So how would you like to improve this valuable skill?
Remember easy with
and specific with your compliment!
Which of the following compliments would you rather receive after giving a presentation?
"What a great guy / woman are you!" (at identity level)
"Great job that you did this so well, it was completely new to me!" (at behavior level)
The first version comes out as a generalization and can seem faint, while the second statement speaks about what you did, that specific performance of this day.
For example, if you come up with unique and compelling
data for your presentation, then you have much more appreciation for a
compliment on this effort than a compliment in which your hard work is
If possible, try to adjust your compliments to
"What a fantastic person you are" (at identity level)
Keep it short and to the point, that is the best thing about it.
Better: "I like you, you are so welcoming."
A compliment that is too elaborate can look a bit sought and therefore not sincerely meant.
"What have you done this work in such a short time with so much precision and so much expertise and attention and surrender and ...." (on behavioral level but too detailed)
Better: "What you have done so fast is well
4) Give it an
Nobody can feel what you feel, and so a message about what you feel is easier accepted than a you message if you don't say who made the observation.
5) Make it custom-made using the S sandwich.
Focus your compliment on the person for whom it
is intended and indicate what feeling that evokes in you. For that you
don't have to compare with someone else who would do less well. Don't
bring others down!
With a compliment you can also challenge someone
to do even better next time. It appears that because you pay attention
to something that may not have been done so deliberately, you can focus
on it with a compliment. Someone who is perhaps a bit introverted and
usually doesn't say much can be challenged by giving a compliment if he
or she says something. From the perspective of the recipient, this can
be interpreted as an encouragement to conduct behavior that is not shown
[How you feel, I message] + [about something specific at environmental behavior or skill level] + [why you feel that way, where you can name a value or need that is important to you]
"I appreciate your help in collecting the data for my report. I would not have met my deadline without your support!" (at behavior level)
All in all, you have a good feeling, a specific
behavior that you appreciate and you give a reason why you feel that way.
Try this formula in different situations. Of course you can also come
up with a variation that feels even more natural to you. In the process
you will find that giving valuable and appreciated compliments will become
second nature to you.
Of course you will not always succeed in complimenting
someone immediately after something he / she has done. In such a case,
leave out the compliment. It is not necessary to do the same every time
you can compliment. By simply making it a priority to integrate complimenting
into the practice of your life, you will increase your chances of giving
and receiving meaningful positive feedback.
6)Keep your compliment close to your Experience.
A genuine compliment is gold worth. If it is really your own experience what the behavior of the other does to you, then this is the best you can give!